Proverbs 18

Bible Passage:  Proverbs 18

Among the many wise sayings of the chapter, I have chosen to talk about Friendliness and picked up just 3 verses in the chapter that I found to talk about this topic.

1 A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire;
He rages against all wise judgment.

A man who isolates himself… antisocial? Or introverted?

There was a time when my fellow co-workers were discussing a student in our class, as he has problem getting along with his peers and so makes him like a loner in class, which for the church environment, is unhealthy. But one of my co-worker raised the question of whether he is actually causing any trouble by his antisocial-ness, and if he is not, does it really mean he is a problem or we should leave him alone rather than over-worry and make him seem like a problem.

Then now I am also very concerned about some very introverted young ones in church.

Having friends in church are very important because they are going to be one’s spiritual support in life which is lifelong significance. But more than building friendships with their peers, it is even more worrisome for me whether these young ones are able to open up their hearts to God. They are at the age where it is the best time for praying for the Holy Spirit. If they were to miss the chance now to pray really hard now without worrying about anything, it might be really difficult for them to establish a personal relationship with God in the future.

But no matter how introverted or antisocial a person is, the church of God is not a social gathering but a big family where we learn to extend our trust in our physical family to the household of God connected by the blood and love of Jesus Christ. Anyone who isolates himself from the house of God is in fact isolating himself from the love of God which is to be practised in the church community. Therefore I do hope that all the children in church will grow up feeling that they are in a big family and all their peers are their family and not think that they are just friends they can do without.

19 A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city,
And contentions are like the bars of a castle.

Having said the above, when two church friends quarrel, it tends to get really big deal… this is because we are going to the same church every week and we need to face each other and other brothers and sisters. When one offends another, things get a lot complicated because we may think a lot more about how to behave in front of others versus in front of the offended/offender. In the end, we might put ourselves or the opposite party behind some “prison bars”.

But I think if we are able to treat each other as true brothers and sisters, we will not find it okay to have enmity with our own family, then we will have the resolution to resolve whatever bitterness that is holding us apart.

24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly,
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

I remember using the last verse of the chapter to encourage some teens in a discussion on friendship to be friendly- “a man who has friends must himself be friendly” based on NKJV. It is to my surprise that when I check this verse in other versions that they speak pretty differently… The NIV and the NASB says that one who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, and a few more versions that also put the first line in a negative perspective…

Nevertheless, I wish to say that a Christian must be a friendly person. A man who truly loves must love in action, and being friendly and having friends is then when he can put his love into practise. How can a man love in isolation? What can he love besides himself if he isolates his world to himself and the inanimate things around him?

Last sunday we went out to do some elementary door to door with some graduates theolo students. The briefing reminded us that we should always wear a smile when we talk to strangers. A smile shows we are friendly and we mean good. We must be friendly to bring the good news around and to bring people to God!

There are some people who feel they do not have the courage to talk to strangers and so they cannot preach to strangers or befriend the new faces in church. Someone also asked me whether we did consider character when we arranged the d2d groupings. True enough, we all have different characters and some are more outspoken while others are more reserved in nature. However, I think the true motivation in evangelism is how much you wish to bring the good news to the people in front of you. If you love your friend, you will break through your fear and tell him what is really important for him to hear. What kind of friend sticks closer than a brother? I believe it is he who cares most for the soul of his friend.

If you seek to reveal the gift of God to the lost world who have totally become ignorant of their Creator, you will find means and ways to get them to see the truth. There are a few people that I know in church who are known to be friendly and enthusiastic to preach, but they are in fact very introverted characters. I believe their motivation to break free of their character is their desire to practise the love of God, to care and to share in order to win the souls of more people for Christ.

Are we willing to be friendly for God’s sake? Are we willing to leave behind our introverted nature and our comfort zone to step out to befriend anyone for Christ?

May God help us to overcome our fear.