Genesis 32

Bible Passage:  Genesis 32

Today’s passage is the pivitol moment in Jacob’s life.  A home coming journey laced with fear, uncertainties, encouragements, desperate planning, wrestling with God and a name change!

Frankly right now, I am not in the right frame of mind to type these words.

I just found out that one of my close childhood and teenage years friend passed away suddenly.  This was a friend who literally grew up with me.  We stayed in the same area.  We went to the same school.  We sat in the same school bus.  We swam in the same school team.  We caught spiders, chased cats together.  We attended tuition classes together, watched cartoons at 5 pm everyday, read books together, shot fireworks, cycled, watched the stars together…. we did so many things together.

But as we entered into adulthood, we gradually lost touch and it was only recently, thanks to the marvel of social networks online, we got into contact with one another and was trying to set up a meeting.  And I had thought that now I could finally do what I never did all those years ago… invite him to church.

Now I will never get that chance… ever again….

What has all this to do with what I read in Genesis 32 today?  As always, God’s Words point out apt lessons for me to learn. And it is a bitter lesson for me today….

A Last Resort?

Here we see that Jacob finally resorted to prayer.

All his life, Jacob has been one who was scheming, planning, working out strategies and putting things into action – just so that he can get what he wanted out of life.

You could say he was more or less successful.  Now he was returning with loads of cattle, donkeys, sheep, goats, servants and a large family.

But now when he heard that Esau was coming with 400 men, once again, he swung into full action.  He knew that he may not be able to now handle his oncoming brother so he sought to secure whatever strategic advantage he could gain so that his family could be saved….

• He arranged for gifts of animals to be given in installments so that with each batch of animals, it will wear down the military readiness of Esau’s men
• He was banking on the fact that with more animals and people to take care of, Esau would move slower and hence would not arrive so soon

But as he made all these plans, his reserves were exhausted, and now he felt truly vulnerable.

He had nothing left.  Everything he could do by himself, he had already done it.

The master schemer had nothing left… but God.  And this was precisely where God wanted him.

We always tend to focus on deceitful and manipulative nature of Jacob.  But there is a deeper character flaw that needed to be resolved.  The deception and manipulation traits were only the symptoms of his basic problem: self-sufficiency.

I do not know about you but I too suffer from this basic problem.  And it is only now when I am confronted with my friend’s demise and I thought about what I had done and did not do, I realized that I am not very different from Jacob.

When confronted with problems or issues, very often, I would often plan my way out.  In fact, I pride myself for being able to work things out.  Pretty much like Jacob.

Sure, I prayed.  Sure I trusted God.  But I think deep down, I trusted myself more.

I had planned to invite my friend to church… but did not commit this to prayer. In my mind, I had strategize what I will say, I thought I knew when would be the best time to meet up and invite him…

Now, the chance is lost.  And I feel so guilty….

One thing I know is this…. although God love us as we are, it is His desire and right to transform us to be in His image.

The problem is that most of us are not motivated to change.

If there is disharmony, we pray that God will work on the other person to produce harmony.  If there is a conflict, we pray that God will shwo the other party the error of their ways.

Very often, we do not pray that God will help us resolve our own bitterness; overcome our negative habits; re-examine our expectations; and think more highly of others, placing their needs above our own.

We think we are ok because we are ‘close’ to God and have all the resources to handle whatever comes.

But Jacob’s lesson taught me this… that it is necessary to look beyond our own sense of self sufficiency and recognize that at the very end, it is only God who can help.  It is only God who we must not lose sight of.  It is only God who knows what is truly within us.

Jacob finally understood this… and that was why he refused to let the man that wrestled with him go unless the man blessed him.  He did not want to let God go until he knew God was the only one who will help him.

I must learn this too… and stop imagining and devising solutions for myself but instead wholeheartedly rely on God to lead me through it all.  And that only comes with true prayers.

It’s not as what the picture showed … “It’s All About Me”.  It is really “All About God”.

May God be merciful on me.